July

• Mike and Trey and Page and Jon:

  I have three nipples and seeing as you seem to like nipples and haven't written a nipple song lately would you write a song about me?

  Brett
  Dear Brett:

  YES, here it is:
  
  The best nipple is always the third
  Like the triple nipple of the Coriander bird
  Two's company; three's a crowd
  But I bet that third one makes you proud
  Where's that nipple, by the way?
  Up top, below, or can't you say?
  If I had three, know what I'd do?
  I'd pierce it through to the other two.
• Mike:

  I just bought an alto sax, and with your history of invaluable advice for all who query, I come to you. Any ideas?
  
  
  P.S. Do you think "Birdman and the Galaxy Trio" is a good name for a good band?
  

  Tuck Oden
  Tuck:

  Like a batter with two bats, i would say you should shove socks into the large opening at the other end of that thing and blow hard, but I'm not a sax player. How about Owlfuck and the Gals?
• Mr. Gordon:

  Do you have cheesebugers and frenchfries in Vermont and what's your favorite color?

  Kristofer Whited
  Hey Kristofer:

  Animals are usually treated quite poorly, so i dont' eat cheeseburgers, but I'll take in a fry from time to time.
• Phish:

  Hey I have a very simple question. What book is Phish referring to when they talk about the Friendly Helping Book in the song Icculus. I would like to open up my mind to his thoughts and views but i dont kow what book to read.
  
  Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  
  

  Nick
  Dearest Nick:

  The book we are referring to is "Love Your Body/Love Your Soul," which is really an excellent book. I can't remember the author, but if my memory serves me correctly the ISBN number is 17763405ASURE.
• Phish:

  I was just wondering, since most phish concerts are at night, what do the band members usually do all day before a show? Besides soundchecks and all that of course.

  Scott Gagnon
  Scott:

  Forget the past, what will I be doing? I will be Segwaying and also flying because I will attach a lightweight helicopter. Also: golf, churning butter, eating parfaits, returning cans, body le bronze, feng shui, irresistible chocolates, twenty, making up birthday songs, my nose itches.