March

• Dear Mike,:

  Here's a question I'm sure you've seen before. The Glowstick wars are beginning to annoy the fuck out me. How do you feel?

  James During, Wilmington, NC
  Jimmy::

  We appreciate an audience-instigated ritual, just as we appreciate a bird chirping Mahler daintily on the windowsill, in the dead cold of a winter's night. But I'm not the only one to suffer eyeball damage, so I suggest that people throw something lighter like feathers, cotton candy or conch fritters.
• Dear Mike:

  Why are you guys trying to sell out? I heard they even advertised you guys on "Dawson's Creek"; a teeny-bopper show. Do you really want your concerts taken over by a bunch of middle school kids who know two songs if they're lucky?

  E. Charlie Bradley, Detroit, MI
  E.:

  Teeny boppers bought less Ghost's than Billy Breathes', so to avoid the boppers we'll need more Dawson Creeks.
• Dear Mike:

  Your secret codes, what ever happened to your little language that's hidden inside your songs and the crowd would react...such as yelling doh!! after the Simpsons theme; falling down, turning to the sound board; cheering?

  Beto Caructto, Ellensburg, WA
  Beto:

  There were also codes to form discreet words and sentences while playing. So, with a couple of melody notes, I could say, "Look at that funny guy in the front row" (really). We got so into conversing that we forgot how to jam. Every note from 7/16 to 8/2 was actually part of a code. We decided to discontinue the "language."
• Dear Phish:

  How many copyrights, patents and trademarks do you guys hold? Who is the most inventive member of the band?

  Jeff Olson, Portland, OR
  Jeff:

  On a scale fro 1 to 10, with 10 being the most inventive and 1 also being the most inventive, I'd give Page a 7. Not sure how many patents we own. Maybe 5, or 10, or 600.
• Dear Phish:

  Hi, it's me, Ed, a Peace Corps volunteer in the Phillipines. Sometimes when we are working in the mountains, planting corn or vegetables, I break out my battery powered tape player and throw in a Phish tape. The farmers ask "sono siya?" (who is that?) And I proudly answere "ang groupo pangalan ni isola" (the group is called "fish"). The "Ph" thing takes some added explanation. Anyway, the farmers had a question and I could not personally answer for you so here goes: Does the band Phish eat dog on their birthday? If not, what is their favorite birthday meal?

  The farmers of Mt. Palay Palay, Cavite, Phillipines
  Hi:

  As a vegetarian, I prefer the lentil nut-loaf. Ironically, our dog Struthers, on his birthday, gets to eat "farmer."
• Dear Phish:

  Which one of you guys has the worst B.O. after a show? I think it's Fish.

  Jessica Faberge, Tacoma, WA
  JF:

  It's Trey. I know because we share a wardrobe case. Since this is rock 'n' roll, the wardrobe case is only used for draping our sweaty t-shirts after the show. With no divider between his side and mine, my shirts are infused with the aroma of rotting monkfish left by a Chinese restaurant at curbside to be picked up in two days.
• Phish:

  Have you ever cut a set a little short because one of you had to go potty? Do you have a hand signal or something that lets the band know you must "make?"

  Love, Samantha Kramer, Cleveland, OH
  Dear Samantha:

  I have "made" before -- mid-set. But sometimes, music can be good with the added tension of knowing you'd like to make.
• Dear Phish:

  My friend and I were wondering 2 things about your stage set-up. 1) Why are there arrows taped to the stage directing you off? Is it that confusing? 2) Why are there 2 desks (file cabinets and all) by the right side of the stage (Fishman side)?

  Thanks, Aron Weiss, Philadelphia, PA
  Aaron:

  Did you know that before those arrows were enlarged, Trey actually stepped with his guitar into an eight foot hle? He was temporarily paralyzed. It was soundcheck, and the rest of us were still playing, so we didn't even know. We let him in there for a while. 2) These are workboxes for (you guessed it) Carini and the unsungabout Brian Brown. At those stations, instruments are maintained with Star-Trek-like precision.