March

• Trey:

  What's up with that Geddy Lee? How does he get his voice so high? I wonder if he talks like an ordinary guy?

  Sincerely, Dirk N. Decorners
  Dear Dirk:

  Just because you quote Pavement, it doesn't mean Trey will like you. But, as it turns out, he does like you. He asked me to pass along his number to you, as long as you don't tell anyone else - 9Q9.317.0911.
  
  P.S. - I know him, and he does.
  
  -Your Fact Checking Cous
• Dear Phish:

  What happened to Don and the Comma Crisis?
  [Schvice Winter '97]

  Anita Flora Lippa
  Dear Anita:

  I was rooting for him as much as the next guy - at first. Until I realized that he had no right to be toying with the English language. Grammar's there for a reason pal. You're not special just cause you think you can dick around with it.
  
  -Mike
• Dear Phish:

  What qualities do you look for in a letter to be put in the Schvice?

  Colleen from Queens
  Colleen::

  The original idea was to clear up some quandaries that many folks seemed to have. But, over time, it's proven a richer experience to deal with the esoteric or, if you will, "tongue and, how do you say, 'cheek'" letters.
• Dear Phish:

  I just saw my first show at the Cow Palace and I was wondering if your light show is programmed or is someone doing it live?

  Love and peace, Keith "Mubking" Taylor
  Dear Keith "Mubking" Taylor::

  It's just a $60 computer. No humans are involved. Just kidding, Chris. Au contraire, we've had a lighting director, Chris Kuroda, for years. He improvises with us. He is the fifth band member. If we get mixed up and lost, we watch the lights to pull us through. Follow the light. Chris is also kind of fun to hang out with because he smiles a lot and says "Yes."
• Dear Phish:

  I have a question for you. Do you all ever have fights after being locked in a bus after for a long tour? Cause when were all on tour we want to kill each other sometimes! Just wondering.

  Rock Forth! - Willow Breeze
  Dear Rock::

  We fight in the dressing room every once in a while about musical problems. On the bus it's pretty rare for us to fight. Occassional there's a fight about a bet. "I can't believe you think you won the bet - there's no way I'm giving you the money. You're acting like a baby." Another time, we fought over change. I argued for continuity, and Trey for change. Voices were raised, but in the end, we swapped sides, laughed it off, and faked a handshake [no touching rule].