February

• Phish:

  Mike,
  
  I saw the cactus picture on your amp and heard that your nickname is cactus...

  Matt
  Dear Matt:

  My nickname progression was as follows:
  Gordon (my last name)
  Gacht (Russian, perhaps, for Gordon)
  Gactin
  Gact
  Cactus
  Cacti
  Cactile
  Cactoidler
  Toidle...toi...e
  you see?
  
  Catch you later,
  Cacti
• Phish:

  In the song "You Enjoy Myself," from the album "Junta," what the hell are you saying after "Boy, Man, God, Shit?" Please enlighten us.
  
  Confused in New Hartford

  Meg & Michael Evans
  Dear Meg & Michael:

  In "You Enjoy Myself," after "shit," we say, "Water your team, in a bee hive, I'm a sent to you."
  
  Love,
  Mike
• Phish:

  I wanted to express my feelings about the packaging of the "Junta" CD ... There was an excessive amount of needless plastic and cardboard. I don't think the CD needs to be shrink-wrapped as well as packaged in a shrink-wrapped long box ...

  Rels Baron
  Dear Rels:

  Fortunately, the entire industry is about to terminate "long boxes." Elektra refused to do it before anybody else, but it will happen everywhere in a matter of months. Soon, casettes will be replaced by "mini-CDs" which you can record on and they're tiny. (About this big:
  . Just kidding. They're bigger than that, but we can save some of those precious plastic trees.)
  
  Mike
• Gentlemen:

  Several months ago, four friends and I braved the dangers of this nation's highways as we drove to Mardi Gras in New Orleans from Colorado College.
  While sitting, confused, in the French Quarter, I questioned the existence of a higher power. A street performer approached me, introducing himself as "Sparkles," and although I had no money, he deftly fashioned a bright yellow baloon-animal swan and left. The significance of this strange encounter was obvious to me: that this was a sign. What sort of a sign is a yellow, fragile ornament named "Swany?" Swany is the messiah of a subtle god...The Cult of Swany grew and we began the arduous task of codifying our beliefs.
  On the return trip, Swany took hold of a breeze and blew out the car window. I was paralyzed with fear and indecision for several months before I was able to put this behind me in order to move on with my life. That was until last night, when Swany appeared to me in a dream. Saying nothing, he slowly drifted across my frame of reference and then vanished. This communique from the netherworld has had a profound effect on me. What should I do?

  Christopher Gelson
  Dear Christopher:

  There is but one possible direction. The next time you're in Boston, and the warm weather invites the swan boats in Boston Common to make their rounds, take the second available boat. In mid-ride, say the following words: "way down upon the Swanee River."
  
  Good Luck
  Mike
• Dear Phish:

  I've noticed a lot about such groups as the Spin Doctors, who seem to be gaining popularity rapidly. They now even appear on MTV. I don't know about you, but I think you guys should remain as "small" as possible. It adds to the authenticity of the band.

  Joshua Cramer
  Dear Joshua:

  Regarding your comment on "smallness" and "authenticity," I'd have to disagree. For one, if we had taken the advice of the first people who told us to stay "small," we never would have played outside of Burlington, VT. In fact, some people were bummed that we stopped playing at Nectar's and started playing at a bigger bar in Burlington. One girl was crying at the bar in The Front. She was reminiscing about the Nectar's days. She exclaimed, "They're not our band anymore." That was six years ago. If we hadn't started playing at the Front, we couldn't have quit our day jobs, and thus we would have written less songs and practiced less and we would be worse! The point is that people resist change every step of the way. "Stay small" is the advice.
  It's true that we've grown very gradually, and that's good. The members of the band have been very careful not to have "success" be our goal in the business sense, but rather improvement as musicians. We've always felt that we would be happy at any stage, not to grow anymore, because it's always been great. And to grow would be fine too. I don't mean to sound like an idealistic snob, I hope I don't. I felt more authentic playing for 2,000 people Saturday night than I did playing for six people in the UVM art building in December of 1985.
  
  Mike