BARN BOY

Drivel, Blither, Codswoggle and Reprehense were all driving to work.

O.K., I'm going to stop right here and just admit that I went out and bought a thesaurus today and right off the bat tried to use some of the words I saw while examining and comparing and trying to decide which one to buy. So from now on whenever you see a suspiciously clever or reekingly pretentious word or phrase you will know that I probably looked it up and don't have nearly the vocabulary I'd like you to think I do.

Am I using the Thesaurus now? No, because it's really late at night, 4:56 am to be exact on Monday...no Tuesday morning and I am sitting in my car with the light on and engine running to keep me warm as I write this. Why? Because a) this needs to be turned in tomorrow morning; b) my house is so torn apart right now from construction that there is no place for me to sleep, but in the barn; c) earlier this evening, but obviously not early enough, I tried to kill wasps in the barn by spraying insecticide around the windows, up in the loft, near where I sleep. Talk about shitting where you eat. I can't sleep in the house. I can't even be in the barn.

At about 3:00 am, I got in the car and drove around aimlessly for about an hour while letting the barn air out. What is a synonym for "air out?" I don't know any. I filled the car with gas, got coffee and a donut and drove around. When I arrived back in my driveway and went to check on the barn it hadn't "aired out." So here I sit, self-inflictedly evicted from my own dwellings, only feet from a bed which I cannot sleep in because I poisoned the air around it. I can't believe I sprayed insecticide indoors so close to bed time!! And you people pay me to entertain you! Hah!!

I am but a fool, a ninny, a nincompoop, yo-yo, simpleton, saphead, noodle, idiot, cuckoo, imbecile, mooncalf, moron, dimwit, nitwit, half-wit, scatterbrain, birdbrain, ding bat, pinhead, dolt, clod, oaf, dunce, chump, coot, lubber, lout, dullard, numbskull, dope, booby, dummy, blockhead, bonehead, dunderhead, lunkhead, knucklehead, stupid ass, lowbrow, ignoramus, know-nothing DORK!